Exposed, part 1: The Breakup

the breakup

I got a bomb dropped on me today. Let me preface this by saying I’m not sure if it’s true or just an act of desperation, but… My ex-boyfriend just told me that a few months before we broke up, he put a down payment on a ring. Yes, an engagement ring. Now I have made my feelings about marriage clear on many occasions. I really have no idea if I ever want to get married–and I certainly did not want to marry him. I have dealt with a lot going through my parents’ divorce and struggle with the idea of a truly happy, loving marriage. Does that even exist in real life?

Rewind back to six months ago. Where were we in our lives and what was the status of our relationship? Tyler (that will be my ex’s fake name throughout this miniseries) had just accepted a temporary job in Iowa where he’d be earning at least double what he was earning in Florida. The job would last anywhere from 6 to 8 weeks. Not so bad, right? I didn’t have a problem with it. In fact, I was looking forward to having some time to myself. Maybe that was one of the red flags I should have paid more attention to.

During this time and every day for the previous year, I had wanted to move out of the retirement town that I was stuck in. There was no job opportunity whatsoever and I felt like my life was winding down at just twenty-four years old. Aren’t these supposed to be the best years of my life? So I did something about it. I began looking into jobs in other parts of the country.

I felt like my life was winding down at just twenty-four years old.

Tyler wasn’t happy about this. He wanted to live close to his family and that was that. Either way, one of us would have to sacrifice something and it wasn’t going to be him giving up living in south Florida, no matter how miserable I was–another major red flag I overlooked for too long. So I began to question things more than ever. What is more important? Making a long-term relationship work by sacrificing things that are important to you; or pursuing your dreams and jump-starting your career?

I began to realize that although I could find someone else to love me again in the future, the only time to start my career is now.

As sad as it may seem, I began to realize that although I could find someone else to love me again in the future, the only time to start my career is now, while I’m still young. So I began applying for jobs and luckily landed one very quickly in Atlanta, GA. It was far enough from Florida to get a fresh start, but close enough to my family to visit often. And close enough for a long distance relationship—or so I though. Thinking back, though, did I really think it would last? Or was I looking for an out? I’m still not sure.

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One response to “Exposed, part 1: The Breakup

  1. You definitely were looking for an out, without you clearly voicing it out to yourself… If you truly wanted this guy in your life, and him you, I think that in no way you would have ‘needed’ to live away from him…
    I wish you all the best anyways, and despite your negative image on marriage, when you find your true love, it is worth it… :)
    Best,
    Hiba
    http://www.cloudoflace.com

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